I’m not entirely convinced there is a reason to ever get married. But if you’re going to take the plunge, do it when you’re past your 20s. Very few marriages between two 20-somethings succeed for good reason.
Sure, you may be an outlier, but why take the risk? I’m convinced that the majority – or nearly the majority – of failed marriages would have been successful if the once-happy couple would have waited a few years before saying their vows.
Need a reason not to get married in your 20s? Here are five of them:
1. You Barely Know Yourself
Whether people do or don’t change is up for debate. What’s not up for debate is the fact that very few people know themselves well enough in their 20s; most will only truly get to know their most basic, intrinsic tendencies when they are older. So, in a sense, people do change; they change from being clueless to understanding themselves better.
However, understanding yourself better does reflect outwards. When you understand yourself better, you act differently; you act accordingly to all that you know about yourself. Once you know what you do like, what you don’t like, what bothers you and what you can actually deal with, you think differently and, therefore, act differently. The same goes for your partner.
He or she won’t be the same person in 10 years. Individuals are still in their developmental stages throughout their 20s and into their 30s. Getting married when you’re in these age brackets is simply much, much riskier. You may not like the person you’re married to only a decade later. You may not even be compatible.
2. You’re Most Likely Not Financially Stable
Some of us are lucky enough to either make it big early on or inherit financial stability by default. Most of us, however, aren’t financially stable. Most of us can’t afford a decent level of comfort. This may seem insignificant when you are blinded by love, but overtime, financial instability will wear down you and your lover. You’ll want things. He or she will want things.
You won’t be able to afford both and arguments will ensue. This isn’t even taking into consideration the children you may end up having in your 20s. Kids are very, very expensive. Any idea how much diapers cost? You’d think that getting married and having two incomes would make things easier, and it may for a while. But with marriage comes stress and without some extra cash to throw into the face of stress, your marriage is likely to blow up in your face.
3. You May Very Well Feel Like You Haven’t Experienced Enough
Our 20s are meant for enjoyment and exploration. You’re at your sexual peak. You’re young enough to make mistakes and easily recover from them. You’re young enough to get your heart broken a time or two. You’re young enough to do so many things you will be too old to do in a very short period of time. You may not even think you want or need this freedom, but once you get married, that is likely to change quickly.
If you haven’t experimented enough when you’re in your 20s, you’ll most likely want to experiment in your 30s or 40s. But you’ll be married. Logically, love should take precedence above all else… but since when are we completely logical? And who in the hell ever said marriage was logical to begin with?
4. Marriage Is Forever; What’s The Rush?
This is what always gets me. What’s the point of getting married? Other than to save money on your taxes, of course. Most people will give “stability” and “assurance” as an answer. Well, if your relationship isn’t stable before you get married, and you aren’t sure that your lover will just run off at any moment, then what makes you think that will change once you say “I do”?
In fact, if your relationship isn’t stable now, it will certainly only get worse once you’re married. Marriage makes people feel trapped – because, by definition, it is forever – until death do us part. Why get married sooner rather than later? If you’re worried your partner won’t be around later, then definitely don’t get married; you’ll save yourself a whole lot of trouble by not having to go through a divorce. Not to mention money. Lawyers are expensive.
5. Succeeding Does Get Harder With Age
We all have goals and dreams, all of which become less likely to be achieved with age. Of course, some goals do take decades to achieve, but some of our dreams can be realized right away, yet we choose to delay them. Marriage makes bringing these dreams to fruition much less likely. You get caught up in it all and lose focus. If your dream requires a lot of focus then going solo for longer will be more beneficial.
This doesn’t mean that you necessarily should avoid dating altogether, but marriage brings on a whole different set of problems and level of stress. If you love your partner and want to be with him or her, then you have to continue following your dreams. You can make a relationship work, but keeping that sense of freedom is key. We all want to feel free, even if it’s only an illusion.